One thing that ALWAYS shows itself in a fight or attack is PRIDE.
What might surprise you is that pride is actually one of the
biggest dangers when you are trying to defend yourself.
Pride causes more deaths than anything else. Whether its murders
caused by jealous lovers or even just an argument over a hotdog at
a food stand that got out of control, pride really doesn't help
when you want to stay alive.
One thing I get asked a lot is WHY pride takes over in a fight
situation, especially when it transforms into FEAR and PANIC.
There are two reasons why I think pride can get even the smallest
argument or misunderstanding out of control.
The first is something that's based on Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.
This is a really deep topic, and there is a whole ton of stuff you
can read up on, but I'll simplify it for you just to explain better
what I mean.
The psychologist Maslow basically says there are 5 levels of needs
we have in life, and arranges them in a pyramid shape. A diagram is
in the link below.
http://clicks.aweber.com/y/ct/?l=IRjEO&m=1lZVY0zzCt8o91&b=WBRItipE3yEogTZ.m5L9OQ
The lowest level, the physiological level, EVERYBODY needs, just to
stay alive. That is like the basic level that everyone needs.
The higher levels may not be as obvious, but most psychologists
argue that without these, we are not complete human beings.
For example, if you look further up the pyramid at the other stuff,
like Love, Esteem and Self-Actualisation you will probably start to
think that you don't need these to survive.
WRONG.
Human beings are all aiming for the higher levels. Sure, we know we
don't need a $80,000 sports car to live, but we all want one. We
all know we don't need to have a fancy job title, but most people
want an important sounding job.
When you look at the pyramid again, and you replace
self-actualisation with PRIDE (that's all it really means), you
start to see why people get so worked up in a fight or argument.
You could have a guy you don't even know yelling at you, but just
the fact that he is making a personal attack on you, it affects you
PHYSICALLY. You feel your heart going faster, you start to sweat,
you can have a red tint to your vision from the blood flow, its
insane.
So although pride is way up at the top, it affects a level way down
at the bottom. The levels are all CONNECTED.
In a fight situation, the last thing you want is to be overcome
with RAGE and FEAR, so that you just cant think straight.
Even if its not a fight situation, it could just be bullying or
intimidation. For example, a girl at your work starts bitching
about you behind your back, and you over hear it. Most women, and
in fact most guys too, wont hold back in telling them just what a
nasty bitch they were for doing that. Any episode of America's Top
Model or The Contender shows just those kind of all out arguments
that start when someone's pride is hurt.
In both situations, when you attack someone's pride, they start to
feel it physically.
This is part of the reason a lot of people get into unnecessary
fights or even get killed because they let their pride take too
much of a hit.
So what is the solution?
In a nutshell, you need to start gaining some GENUINE pride. That
way you wont get insulted easily or get pushed around. But, that
does take time to gain that kind of confidence and self-esteem, so
here is an example of something you can use.
Whether you are a guy or a girl, you will probably have to deal
with the work bully or the office back-stabbing bitch, so I'll give
you a way to deal with that.
If you hear someone trash talking you, don't get mad. They will be
embarrassed that they got caught and they will probably get very
defensive about it. Don't go on the ANGRY assault.
Instead, get cocky about it. Show that this person doesn't know how
to be insulting.
The important thing to remember, is that this is almost like an
interview for a job. They aren't insulting you because they don't
like you, they are most likely insulting or bitching about you so
they try and RANK HIGHER than your social status. They are just
testing to see how far they can push it.
By acting cocky, you are actually showing that you don't really
have a weakness.
For example, somebody insults you about the way you look. Now even
if you are insulted, and you do start to feel the adrenaline kick
in, its time to start acting.
Tell them:
"Jealousy doesn't suit you" (Said with a cheeky grin or :P)
Or:
Talk to them like they are a little cute puppy or your baby
brother/sister. Whatever you do, don't get AGGRESSIVE or make an
attack on their PRIDE.
This is why you cant use one liners. They might sound clever, but
you never know what insult they might come up with, so having like
a general default line gives you a safety net.
If you pass the "interview" you are well on your way to HUMILLATING
the attacker or bully. But the important thing to remember is you
didn't make a direct attack on THEIR PRIDE, so as far as anyone can
tell, YOUR PRIDE wasn't affected. Even if for a moment it was.
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